Today, I am Little Miss Grumpy. I have this little raincloud following me around, raining on my parade. Let's go over why:

  • It's been cold, rainy, and gray for two days straight now.
  • The Orlando Magic lost Game 1 and are about to lose Game 2.
  • I'm the only one that seems capable of filling the Brita water filter in my house. And it's always empty when I want some water.
  • I've been expecting a phone call for days, and it still hasn't come.
  • I didn't workout today, even though I should have, and I had no reason not to, except that I just didn't feel like it.
  • The money I deposited on SATURDAY, still hasn't showed up in my bank account yet.
  • I'm broke, broke, broke!
BLAH!! I'm just so GRUMPY!
Things I learned this weekend:

  1. The rate I can consume Wheat Thins is alarming
  2. 3 iced coffees between 7pm and 10pm is not a good idea
  3. Listening to your neighbor's bbq, just makes you feel creepy
  4. The last few episodes of Private Practice were about as interesting as watching paint dry
  5. The Amazing Race can easily disappoint you
Here's a bonus, and you can thank me later:
  • Walk on the Wild Side is a brilliant show

I'm on a self-imposed house arrest for the time being. Mainly because I have no money...like none at all. Last week, when the new and improved Social Safeway opened, I could hardly contain my excitement. I intended to go and "just take a look around", fully intending to do just that. Let me just take a second and discuss how amazing and beautiful this new Safeway is. It's huge, it's got a sushi bar built in, a temperature controlled wine cellar, a wine bar, a Starbucks, a Suntrust, a nut bar, a huge produce section, a gelato bar (!!), the people who work there are absolutely delightful, so many more awesome things, and a genius marketing department. Who rents out the empty store across the street from Whole Foods, just to deck it out with ads for the Safeway just down the street? A genius, that's who. I might have fallen in love with the place.

Anyways...1 hour, a handful of delicious cheese/bread/steak/cake samples, and $30 later, I was on my way home. Everything was on sale! How could I NOT buy the blueberries when they were $.89 a pack? or the wheat thins because they were two-for-ones. It was all stuff I NEEDED, therefore, I must buy. It pained me to not buy any of the wine that was 30% off, only because I was walking home, and didn't need the extra bottle(s) of weight.

So, I spent $30...but I saved $11! SCORE! WIN! I merrily made my way home, basking in the glory that is this new, glorious place, not even a mile away from my house. Goodbye gross Giant! Goodbye over-priced-not-always-worth-it Whole Foods!

Until the next morning when my mom calls to let me know I overdrafted my checking account. Bollocks. Lucky for me, I was able to use my sweet, innocent, I-have-no-idea-how-this-happened voice, and they credited me back the overdraft fee. (Really, I think it was because my mom's been a customer there forever. Like, from back when Dinosaurs ruled the earth.)

I'm so broke, I can't even buy myself an ice coffee. It kind of sucks, and I'm so not digging this whole "being broke" thing. I will say though, on a positive note, I got a lot done today. The DC weather is absolutely divine, and being at the house all day inspired me to get some chores done. I "cleaned" my room, I did laundry, I hand-washed a few of my dresses and shirts, I opened the windows, I caught up on my missed tv (on the porch!), and I cranked out a blog post. However, as awesome and productive as my day has been, I'm sure I won't be able to keep up the productivity for long, and I'll soon be itching to reacquaint myself with civilization.

Even more reason to keep my fingers crossed for a big opportunity hopefully in the works for my (dear God please near!) future. Until then, I'll just have to stick to my homemade iced lattes. Have any awesome, cheap (ie free!), fun things to do?! I'm looking for ideas!
please excuse my naked bed, like i said, i did laundry. it's now fully clothed, i promise

Was my last post confusing enough for you? Yeah, sorry about that. I had to go light on details to avoid more catastrophe, and I had had just enough wine to fuel an emotional driven post. Ah, Friday nights.

So it's Tuesday, May 4th. Um...holy crap 2010 is almost half-way over. It's been almost a year since I graduated, and I've gone absolutely nowhere with my life. Do you know how incredibly depressing that is? I find myself getting overly-excited about finding 40 cents in my bed. Most days are spent tooling around the internet, willing myself to get up and workout, and doing absolutely nothing. But hey, at least I'm not out spending money, right? Except those days I go to lunch, or dinner, pick up a starbucks, or grocery shop. Those are the days I think "I have PLENTY of money in my bank account!" and then promptly freak out and hole myself in my house for the next two days because I'M BROKE. It's a vicious cycle. Oh to be me.

I'm in that point of my life where it's always wedding season. So let's talk for a second about that. Why is it that there are so many damn rules when it comes to weddings? Why does it matter whether you give the gift before the wedding or after? Why are there certain "price" codes you have to follow? Is it acceptable to give the gift in a bag? They sell wedding gift bags, so why wouldn't it be? Do I buy only from the registry, or do I branch out and get them something else in addition? I have decided though, that I need to get married ASAP. The loot these people come out on the other side with is ridiculous. I'll gladly take six months of wedding planning headaches in exchange for a kitchenaid mixer and some other shiny new toys. Not to mention the gorgeous wedding photos. So not fair, you engaged people have all the fun!

In other news, I'm still unemployed. I still have my "part time nannying" gigs, which keep me afloat for now, and have provided some pretty sweet opportunities (hello England! I'm comin' for you in a few weeks!) but I really wish I had something a little more...valid. Hear of opportunities in the Advertising/PR/Anything business? Because I'M AVAILABLE!

Anyways, I've spent way too much of my time being productive here, so I'm off to will myself out of bed and perhaps even shower. Try not to be jealous of the lifestyle I lead.

When I was little, I used to try and make my mom make promises to me.

"Can we go tomorrow?"
"Maybe." she would respond
"Why only maybe?" I would ask
"Because I don't like to make promises I don't know if I can keep."

I was always taught that once you've made a commitment, that's it. You're in it til the end, and unless there are absolutely unavoidable circumstances, you're bound to meet those requirements. I always try very hard to follow through with what I promise. I've never made plans with the intention of breaking them. I've never intentionally stood someone up. Until tonight.

Things happened so fast, I barely had time to process them.

"Don't go. Don't call. We'll take care of it." I was instructed. And I listened. I ignored phone calls, and I let messages go unanswered. It's like I disappeared.

I don't know what to do. I feel helpless, and terrible for my actions, despite the fact that I'm told I shouldn't, and I did nothing wrong, and there's no one to feel bad for. Naturally, that just makes me feel bad about feeling bad. I know that the way things unfolded tonight were not planned, and the decisions that were made were done so with the best of intentions at heart. I trust them, and I love them, and their opinions mean everything to me. But still, I can't help but feel sad about everything.

All night long I've been struggling with "did I do the right thing?" or "did should I gone about it differently?" I think I made the right choice. I want to believe I made the right choice. But every few minutes, my mind changes again, I'm not quite sure.