Ohmygoshi
Today's post is from Liz at WhatLizSaid! She's a member of 20somethings with me, and we participated in The Big Blog Swap. Leave love for her!





Dear Diary,

MomLiz is apparently too busy with "work" and her "job" and "meetings" to write something herself, so she's leaving it up to me. I swear, this woman wouldn't remember to feed me if I didn't ram my bowls into the wall when they were empty. One time I had to drag a 44 pound bag of food out into the middle of the floor and spill it everywhere.

Humans. We have to do everything for them.

So mom has been "working" from home with her new "job", although I'm convinced this is just a ploy to keep from catering to my every whim, but whatever. I've found some new ways to get attention. If there are any dogs reading, take note.

My newest thing is paper. Everywhere. It's amazing really. You're not destroying anything of any real value, but you can coat an entire apartment with shredded paper. Just the other day, they just had to "go on a date" so they came home to shredded boxes, newspapers, and a Netflix envelope for kicks. It's minimal effort with maximum impact.

Although yesterday I had to teach mom a lesson. She got mad at me because apparently it's some big "no-no" to growl and bark at the television whenever someone says or does something on a show. I don't see why she can bitch, yell, curse, and moan whenever she's watching one of her sporting events (glorified fetch; way to be original, humans), and I can't.

As her punishment I shredded her first paycheck. That'll teach her.

What's the best part of all of this? I'm cute as hell and they can't stay mad at me. She tried ignoring me this morning, and where am I now? Cuddled next to her on the couch with her scratching my head.

I rule.


Bones,
Horatio
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2 Responses
  1. magdathunder Says:

    SUCH a cute puppy! They paycheck, though? Seriously? Horatio needs a spanking.

    Still, something about the exuberance of dogs is pretty unbeatable. Worth putting up with, on balance :)


  2. Z Says:

    Mine goes for the toilet paper... Paycheck, though? OUCH


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