I've been on a Japanese kick recently. I've been listening to a lot of Japanese music, and feeling overwhelmingly jealous of my friends in Japan right now. Their pictures are so gorgeous! Why am I not there right now?! In my previous post I mentioned that I absolutely love my Japanese heritage and culture. I think the language is beautiful, and I genuinely miss being there. I've posted before about how I regret not being there right now for study abroad, and it's always been a dream of mine to go and live there again so I can fully immerse myself. However, recently I've found myself being turned off from it all because of certain people in my life.

My Japanese Professor just makes me so angry with her teaching method, and I don't really feel like I'm learning all I could be. She also makes me feel that I won't ever be able to go back because I won't really know the language properly. It's extremely frustrating.

My dad is another issue. I get so hyped up at the possibility of going back, but then I get into an argument with him, and I want nothing to do with it all. It's so upsetting, and I'm not really sure how to handle the situation. The last time I was in Japan was Spring Break of sophomore year in high school. I was SO insanely jealous that my brother got to go last summer, and it looks like my other brother and his friend might be making their way out there this summer. Yet, my plans have changed and it looks like I'll be stuck in D.C. for the summer going to class and maintaining an internship. I feel like I'll never get back to Japan; by the time I do get to go back, I'll be so hardened from years of resentment that I won't enjoy it!

I don't really know what to do, or how to resolve this issue that I feel has been building for the past 11 years. Studying abroad is pretty much out of the question by now. And I have toyed with the idea of taking a year off after college and going to teach English there, but I feel like I would miss out on the experience of enjoying it with other people. I'm a very social person, and I love it when I have other people there living the same experiences that I am. I don't think I could handle being there completely alone. But on the other hand, I don't want to wait years and years for "the perfect opportunity" to come up.
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