Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a difficult time letting go. Whether it's a grudge, a breakup, or something of more important matters like getting to be Ariel for the week, while in pre-school. It doesn't really matter, I have issues. I've only recently started admitting that yes it is possible for me to be *gasp* wrong!

As long as I can remember, whenever people have asked me, "SO, what are you going to go to school for?" I answered "International Business". Because, well, why not? My Asian father always said that's where the money is. So natch, I'm gonna go to school, get my international business degree, proudly show it off to some huge company and travel first-class around the world doing all sorts of business-y things. Right? I mean, that's what the picture looked like in my head. Also, let me clarify, at my school, I'm currently earning my Bachelor's of Science in Business Administration. From there, I have two specialties, international business and marketing.

Imagine my surprise when earlier this week I was told by a professor that maybe I should drop her class, which if I did, might mean I drop the whole International Business thing. Um, WHAT?! This really threw me off, and I actually cried in her office, where she kind of just sat like any Asian would do, blinking her eyes at me, as if to be saying, "I do not compute these things called tears". I immediately went straight to my Advisor (whom we'll call JP) to see what he could do. JP said I could drop the whole Int'l Business thing and go to China for 8 weeks in the summer to do this program that would involve lots of thinking and working for a real Chinese company with other kids, and then take a few more classes back at school and they'd create an entirely separate, unique, specialization for me. Although this sounds like lots of fun and great experience, there are about ten thousand George Washington reasons why I shouldn't go.

I'm just having a really difficult time with the whole thing, because it's all I've really thought about trying to achieve. So many questions are in my head, "is it worth all the extra work?" "do you even really need it?" "what's the great benefit of having it on your resume?" "What exactly do you want to do with your life anyways??". My dad seems to think by dropping the course, I'm taking the "easy way out" which is kind of ironic for those who know my family's dysfunctions. If I do keep the course, I'll have to devote all of myself to it, and that risks the chance of me not doing as well in my other classes. Along with the risk that I still might not even pass! A dropped class looks a lot better than a Failed class...right now I'm kind of into the whole marketing thing anyways, but two specializations are better than one, right?

After several teary calls to my Mom, and other consultations with friends, I think I've come to the decision to drop the class for this semester, take a summer class to free up some time for the fall, and then retake the original course next semester. I guess I'm not letting go right now, I'm just loosening my grip. Does that make sense to anyone else but me? Is it the right thing to do? Why or why not? Does anyone happen to have a time machine sitting around I could use to take a peek at myself in 10 years to see what the hell I'm up to? Any advice is appreciated.

I dropped the class today. While I do still feel a bit defeated by it, I have to admit that I am relieved too. I'm going to take a summer class here, and then try again next semester. If it doesn't work out then, then I'll drop the specialization all together. Wish me luck!
2 Responses
  1. LindzML Says:

    2 Things:

    1. LOVE the new look!

    2. I think dropping the class is the right thing. You don't HAVE to have 2 specializations, and it's sounding like 2 are just too much. That's fine. It sounds to me like you're taking too many HL classes and you're getting burned out, which is not the route to go...ever. You've got a lot of life that you're about to start living, and I really don't want to see you begin with a heart that's not into it because you put TOO much work in these past 8 years. Drop the class and finish out the semester. Sign up for something in FL this summer, then if you decide not to take it and have a nice break at home? Drop it during drop/add. I just want to see you happy (and, you know, want to see you!). Good luck, I know whatever decision you make, it'll be the right one. And, uh, sorry for writing you a novel.

  2. Jamie Lovely Says:

    Sometimes we all have to loosen our grip. I think it's good that you did.

    Thanks for stopping my blog today. I will be back :)

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