Or in my case, the Monday Grays. Man, I just couldn't get going today! Despite the fact I got close to 7.5 hours of sleep, I still had a difficult time getting up today, which is never a good Monday sign. I purposely didn't shower because I knew I was going to go work out later, and sweat A LOT (don't look at me like that, I showered yesterday, I don't smell). I was feeling pretty grungy, and I tried my best to look cute, but I failed miserably.

It was cold, wet, and gray outside, which probably contributed to my bad mood. I fumbled through class and made my way back the apartment, where I promptly crawled back into bed. I did manage to go work out so I didn't feel like a complete waste of life. When I was getting off the bus, someone asked me for my transfer pass, but I just smiled and kept on walking. I felt bad. I even considered going back and giving it to him, I just happened to have an extra $1.35 in my pocket anyways, but I didn't. Because I'm a horrible person like that.

Anyways, I stopped at Whole Foods to pick up some food, and ended up being $.40 short, the guy let me go anyways, (Thanks!) and I started to make my way back, feeling slightly justified that I hadn't given my transfer pass away because then I would have needed the extra $1.35 to get back home, and then I would have been $1.75 short, and then I wouldn't have gotten my bowl of Mangos and Berries from Whole Foods, some of which are definitely going into my breakfast tomorrow.

I got home and washed the day off (yay!) and settled in for a night on the couch. CSI:Miami had it's first new episode since that silly strike, and it kept me thoroughly entertained (pesky two-parter concludes tomorrow...).

Maybe tomorrow I'll try this whole "starting the week" thing again, and have better results.

I was doing my regular blogroll check the other day when I was pleasantly surprised to see Chickbug gave my blog an E for Excellent! Thanks Chickbug! You totally rock, and you definitely made my weekend!!!

I don't really have many blogs on my blogroll (yet!!), but I do want to give quick shoutouts to

Copperboom - loved her since pre-k

Chickbug - I love this place she's got set up. It's definitely a must-check throughout my day.

Masking and Unveiling - She's the wife of the pastor at my Church in Orlando, and her candid thoughts are often refreshing and written with a certain humor that always makes me smile.

Oh How Lovely! - Such a cool chick. I love reading her daily updates on Edie, her pup.

I love making new friends, so leave a comment or two and I promise to check you out!

This post originally started as a super long comment on Chickbug, but then I realized I might as well make a post out of it.

People need to stop reading into things too much. They have nothing better to do than criticize and start fights just because they can. McCain isn't producing any scandals because he's too busy watching Barack and Hillary tear each other to pieces, Brit Brit is actually behaving this week, March Madness only interests those actually involved in the games. Some cranky, lonely person out there got bored with picking her nose and decided to rant on the first magazine she saw in the grocery store check-out line: Vogue. Angry blackman? I see a hyped up basktball star. Damsel in distress? I see a supermodel with a smile on her face. Last time I checked, damsels in distress were not smiling and looking like they were prancing through an open field of wildflowers. And comparing this image to King Kong? Shame on you! Just because he happens to be an tall talented athlete who happens to be black, does NOT mean you should compare him to GORILLA!

I could look at this miniature vacuum cleaner sitting next to me and say "OMG Dirt Devil is being SO rude to those of shorter stature! and it's RED! Such RACISM!". Give me a break people. I'm embarrassed just to joke about that because it's so stupid. Some people make me so angry and annoyed by their behavior, I cringe at the thought of sharing air with them. I'm pretty sure Vogue meant for you to see the contrasts between the two as a thing of beauty, not racism. Start thinking OUTSIDE the box, people! Then, maybe, I'll want to share my air with you.
I love the internet. Really, I do. I just wanted to take a second to thank the inventor of the internet (whether it be Al Gore or not, I don't really care. Whoever it is, you deserve a plate full of cookies).

Anyways, if it weren't for the internet, I wouldn't have read this story. And do you know how sad my life would have been without it? Very sad indeed. Read through the comments too, some of them (like 182) are just as funny.
Mental note for the future: Don't watch The Food Network while starving and have nothing more to eat than a peanut butter sandwich on toast. It won't help things.
I just found out Sara Bareilles is coming to the 9:30 club in D.C. April 28th. And it's already sold out. I am SO SO SO bummed to just be finding this out!!! If anyone has either a). DC connections, b) an extra ticket, or c) any ideas for me to find a ticket or two, then let me know!!

I found some on ebay but they're like $80 and I can't afford that at all. Scalpers make me so angry. Stop ruining the fun for others by buying all the tickets and selling them at outrageous prices. If I could, I would totally report you to the National Scalping is Illegal group, just because I'm that bitter. Get a real job, losers.

You know how you hate it when someone says, "I know something that you want to know, but I can't tell you!"? Well, the same holds true for when certain people drop hide wrapped gifts into your suitcase and say, "No opening them til your birthday. IN 3 AND A HALF WEEKS". That's so mean!

So, let's all play a game and guess what's in the boxes!! I'm thinkin' the bottom box is most definitely that baby giraffe I've been wanting. Aaaand, the top box is a sexy pair of Christian Loubatins.

Your thoughts? I'll post an update in 2 weeks when I find out what's in them.
Have you ever had one of those dreams when you all of a sudden think you have something to do, something that you thought you already did, and you start to panic about it?? I do occasionally, and they all involved my high school dance team. Last night, I dreamt that I was watching their annual review show and then I realized, "OH SHIT, I'm supposed to perform! I have to go part my hair!"
I was legitimately panicking about it. Then I remember sitting down looking in a mirror trying to do it the right way (we had a very specific style we had to adhere to) and being frustrated that I couldn't get it right.

Other times, I've dreamt that we were at a competition and I had no idea what the choreography was, and I was set to go on stage in 5 minutes. As I tried to follow along I remember thinking, "Oh man, she's going to kill meeee!". I wake up in a panic not knowing what's going on or what YEAR it is! Does anyone else have the same type of dreams? They definitely stress me out. Or maybe I have them because I'm stressed? I don't know.

All I know is I can't take this stress right now!!!
Packing up to head back to D.C. right now, but I just wanted to post a quick shoutout to my American University, who has finally qualified for the NCAA National Championship. Way to go guys! Let's take it all the way!!!!
Tonight, I was lingering on the mini facebook profile of an ex, (It's private and I don't have access. Don't you hate it when that happens? Bastard.) and I looked at the button on the right that read "Send Message" and almost considered clicking on it. Then I realized, What are you doing?! You JUST told someone else that staying away is better. Why would you go and send a message?". That made me sit up and think. Let's face it, giving the advice is much easier than following it. And while I cringe at my own hypocrisy, I feel that no matter how much you may think you're over someone, there may always be a tender spot that makes you wince every now and then. I told my fellow blogging friend, that chapter of my life is over, and I like where I'm at now, and it's true. I do like where I am, who I am, much better than I did before. I've been asked plenty of times, "So, do you think you're over him?" and though the answer is "yes" every now and then a memory will pop into my head or a song will cause me to think in the past. It's hard getting over someone, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because they're lying.

At the same time, I don't know if I envy those who have never been heartbroken. I feel, and I say this carefully, that you become a stronger person because of it. You learn that life does go on, and you become a survivor in your own right. I'm not saying that those who haven't are less of a person, just that those who have survived to tell the tale, have that much more life experience. Someone once told me that they didn't trust anyone who hadn't had their heart broken. This really affected me, and has stayed with me ever since. Are there really people out there who don't know the feeling?

What I do envy, are those who never feel emotion and pretend it never happened, although I think such mythical creatures don't exist. I kind of feel that it's better to acknowledge the pain every now and then instead of denying it. You for sure can't deny the relationship ever happened. Acknowledge it, let it linger for a few seconds, then let go of it. Rinse. Wash. Repeat. I already feel a little bit better than I did 10 minuets ago, even if it's just a little bit. A lot of little adds up to something big. And that's something to smile about.
I am in no way, shape, or form, the world's tidiest person. Currently, it looks like my closet threw up on all over my room. Lots of clothes strewn about here and there. I can clean my room up and then a week later it'll be covered in clothes again. Mess does not bother me. However, dirty is something that I can't stand. I firmly believe there is a clear difference.

Currently, my kitchen is disgusting. My roommate hails from New Hampshire, where apparently they don't have bugs??? See, in the SOUTH if you leave food out, the bugs will come. He doesn't get this concept, so he makes all kinds of foods and then leaves his dishes by the sink. UGHHHHHHHH. I can't tell you how many times I've had to clean the kitchen from top to bottom just because it's given me a nervous breakdown. I've even gotten down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floors (it's a small kitchen). I regularly wipe down all the burners with wipes that I've bought for the apartment (along with the 24 rolls of TP, Paper towels, air fresheners, and the occasional groceries that I know he uses...does he really think I won't notice that the ONLY stick of butter was gone? I just used it two days ago, I know how much was left...). Also, his definition of "cleaning the kitchen" is simply putting dishes in the dishwasher, not even rinsing them beforehand! Our dishwasher is by no means strong, so it's not going to get all the food off if you haven't at least rinsed the dishes. I stuck a fork in my mac and cheese only to discover it was covered in some black sticky stuff after I'd already taken a bite. I nearly vomited on the spot.

My roommate's sister actually warned me that in their house, the kitchen was fought over by the parents, so neither of the kids really do any work in it. Um, what? I distinctly remember one of my chores growing up being "do the dishes", was I the only child to be given this job? I thought it was a great gift all parents utilized - make the kids do the dishes. I certainly plan on my children doing the dishes, or at least their own damn dish. The point is, I know HOW TO DO THE DAMN DISHES AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK HIS PROBLEM IS.

Now excuse me, I have to go clean the kitchen.
- I count the steps when I walk down so I don't trip. Especially when in heels.

- Watching the Law and Orders and CSIs scare me to death, and will probably keep me from ever committing any kind of crime. I can't stand the thought of being in that much trouble!!!

- Sometimes, I fantasize about confrontations I might have with other people. I say all the things that I've been wanting to say for months (or years!) but never have. I know that chances are, I never will get to say these things, but just in case....

- I work the best under pressure. If that deadline isn't staring me in my face, I don't work as efficiently. Even when I try to do work early so that I don't stress about it, I have to pretend it's due the next day so I can get at least some of it done.

- I wonder if I died suddenly, who would be at my funeral? Who would cry? How would my Dad feel??

- I judge places by their bathrooms. It can be a really cute restaurant or cafe, and I will be totally disappointed if the bathrooms aren't cute.

- Sometimes I get the feeling that everyone in the room is talking about me. (and I don't mean that in a positive way)

- I occasionally feel that I have ESP because I'll be thinking of an older movie, or situation, or specific episode of a tv show, and then a few days later I'll see it on TV, or it will make some other random appearance in my life.

Please help me feel not so crazy, and tell me some of your own weird confessions!
I've been on a Japanese kick recently. I've been listening to a lot of Japanese music, and feeling overwhelmingly jealous of my friends in Japan right now. Their pictures are so gorgeous! Why am I not there right now?! In my previous post I mentioned that I absolutely love my Japanese heritage and culture. I think the language is beautiful, and I genuinely miss being there. I've posted before about how I regret not being there right now for study abroad, and it's always been a dream of mine to go and live there again so I can fully immerse myself. However, recently I've found myself being turned off from it all because of certain people in my life.

My Japanese Professor just makes me so angry with her teaching method, and I don't really feel like I'm learning all I could be. She also makes me feel that I won't ever be able to go back because I won't really know the language properly. It's extremely frustrating.

My dad is another issue. I get so hyped up at the possibility of going back, but then I get into an argument with him, and I want nothing to do with it all. It's so upsetting, and I'm not really sure how to handle the situation. The last time I was in Japan was Spring Break of sophomore year in high school. I was SO insanely jealous that my brother got to go last summer, and it looks like my other brother and his friend might be making their way out there this summer. Yet, my plans have changed and it looks like I'll be stuck in D.C. for the summer going to class and maintaining an internship. I feel like I'll never get back to Japan; by the time I do get to go back, I'll be so hardened from years of resentment that I won't enjoy it!

I don't really know what to do, or how to resolve this issue that I feel has been building for the past 11 years. Studying abroad is pretty much out of the question by now. And I have toyed with the idea of taking a year off after college and going to teach English there, but I feel like I would miss out on the experience of enjoying it with other people. I'm a very social person, and I love it when I have other people there living the same experiences that I am. I don't think I could handle being there completely alone. But on the other hand, I don't want to wait years and years for "the perfect opportunity" to come up.

Stealing from Chickbug

Love: The absolutely gorgeous weather. 65 degrees all day long. Heaven.
Hate: The fact it's supposed to rain later this week. Ughhh.

Love: Discovering new music. Any suggestions? Send them my way!
Hate: When my MP3 player tells me to "synchronize" my music when I just did the other day...

Love: My bed - seriously one of my favorite places to be.
Hate: My teeny tiny apartment.

Love: I'm going home for Spring Break this weekend! Woooooo sunny Florida!
Hate: I still have to get through this week.

Love: Good chocolate. Check out Biagio! It's AMAAAZING.
Hate: When the good stuff is all gone!

Love: Japanese language and culture.
Hate: My Japanese professor. She needs to not be such a bitch.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a difficult time letting go. Whether it's a grudge, a breakup, or something of more important matters like getting to be Ariel for the week, while in pre-school. It doesn't really matter, I have issues. I've only recently started admitting that yes it is possible for me to be *gasp* wrong!

As long as I can remember, whenever people have asked me, "SO, what are you going to go to school for?" I answered "International Business". Because, well, why not? My Asian father always said that's where the money is. So natch, I'm gonna go to school, get my international business degree, proudly show it off to some huge company and travel first-class around the world doing all sorts of business-y things. Right? I mean, that's what the picture looked like in my head. Also, let me clarify, at my school, I'm currently earning my Bachelor's of Science in Business Administration. From there, I have two specialties, international business and marketing.

Imagine my surprise when earlier this week I was told by a professor that maybe I should drop her class, which if I did, might mean I drop the whole International Business thing. Um, WHAT?! This really threw me off, and I actually cried in her office, where she kind of just sat like any Asian would do, blinking her eyes at me, as if to be saying, "I do not compute these things called tears". I immediately went straight to my Advisor (whom we'll call JP) to see what he could do. JP said I could drop the whole Int'l Business thing and go to China for 8 weeks in the summer to do this program that would involve lots of thinking and working for a real Chinese company with other kids, and then take a few more classes back at school and they'd create an entirely separate, unique, specialization for me. Although this sounds like lots of fun and great experience, there are about ten thousand George Washington reasons why I shouldn't go.

I'm just having a really difficult time with the whole thing, because it's all I've really thought about trying to achieve. So many questions are in my head, "is it worth all the extra work?" "do you even really need it?" "what's the great benefit of having it on your resume?" "What exactly do you want to do with your life anyways??". My dad seems to think by dropping the course, I'm taking the "easy way out" which is kind of ironic for those who know my family's dysfunctions. If I do keep the course, I'll have to devote all of myself to it, and that risks the chance of me not doing as well in my other classes. Along with the risk that I still might not even pass! A dropped class looks a lot better than a Failed class...right now I'm kind of into the whole marketing thing anyways, but two specializations are better than one, right?

After several teary calls to my Mom, and other consultations with friends, I think I've come to the decision to drop the class for this semester, take a summer class to free up some time for the fall, and then retake the original course next semester. I guess I'm not letting go right now, I'm just loosening my grip. Does that make sense to anyone else but me? Is it the right thing to do? Why or why not? Does anyone happen to have a time machine sitting around I could use to take a peek at myself in 10 years to see what the hell I'm up to? Any advice is appreciated.

I dropped the class today. While I do still feel a bit defeated by it, I have to admit that I am relieved too. I'm going to take a summer class here, and then try again next semester. If it doesn't work out then, then I'll drop the specialization all together. Wish me luck!
I thought it was time for a change.

Your thoughts?