i've been in a funky mood lately, and i'm not too sure why. This semester has been alright so far, nothing SUPER exciting, but nothing really rotten either. I have a nice apartment, the master bedroom, and a nice bed. I'm extremely thankful for everything that i have, but still, i feel like something's missing. maybe it's just that sense of belonging to someone that i miss so much. my roommate's girlfriend is over every night and sometimes it just gets a little hard to sit on the couch with them and watch tv when they're all snuggly and holding hands and lying on each other's chests. i'm not even sure that i miss having that with a particular someone, i think it's just the feeling that i miss. it's taken me a lot of time to get to this point where i'm at now, regarding that person. i don't know if i'll ever be fully over him or what happened, but i've learned that moving on is essential to living life, and it's better for me and my heart if he just stays gone.

i feel like everyone around me is finding someone, and here i am still alone. it is disheartening at times. i hate feeling alone. and it's not that i'm not happy for those who aren't, but it just makes me realize what i don't have. what i really want. patience is a virtue that i've always struggled with. especially when i got a taste of something that i really liked this summer.

i'll admit, sometimes, i'm afraid that i'll be alone forever. what if i'm that person who doesn't ever find that one sweet love? did i have it and let it go? what's that saying? always a bridesmaid, never a bride? is that really a possibility for me? what would i do if it was? is it a legitamate fear?

i'm ready and waiting to not feel like this anymore.
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